As the Father’s Day coming, I can’t help but to think about my own father whom I have never met.
I never knew my father or met him personally. I just know his name, which is according to my family it’s Rolando Malasig Garcia, I have seen his face once, through a picture that his siblings sent to me in Facebook.
I grew up without a father, my grandmother and uncle raised us while my mum was abroad supporting us all financially. It was difficult to grow up without your parents. I always felt jealous on my classmates who had their parents around for every school run. I know I can’t change anything, but I thought it’s good to let it out once and for all.
I suppose you haven’t got a clue who I am, I’m Epril, your daughter from your first marriage. I was born on August 20, 1986 and was called Epril because my mum liked the name April but because I was born in August she took the letter E from my grandmother’s name Elena and mixed it to form Epril. To be honest, I don’t like my name because everyone thinks it’s April and my birthday month too. During my primary, I used the nickname Vanessa that my grandmother gave me as I was always ill during my childhood. I only discovered that my real name is epril when I went to high school. Of course I blamed my grandmother for that as I needed to sort out my documents and felt confused about my whole identity lol
I’m sorry that my brother Erwin and I don’t know you. It breaks my heart to think of my childhood memories. It’s not because I pity myself for not having a father but it’s because I never had the chance to experience a complete family. They call us a broken family, a messy one for not having a father and to add to that a mother who was abroad working.
Of course, I was angry and thought what would it be like if you never left us. Maybe life would have been happier? I don’t know…just thinking about the possible life if you had chosen differently. Whatever were your reasons, there’s no point in blaming you. I can’t go back in time to do it all over again, what happened stays in the past and there is no going back.
My childhood with my brother is full of hardship and tears; as we got bullied in school. Although our mum tried her best to provide for us but it was not always enough, we needed a mother too. I just want you to know what we’ve been through so that you had an idea.
Do you know that as a little girl, I used to pray to god and wished every Christmas that you would come back to us and become a complete and a happy family. Of course I was just a little girl believing in wishes and magic fairies and Santa, and it was my only hope during those days when I felt sad. I also tried to look for you but no results.
I grew up and got pregnant at 15 years old and had to face the reality of being a teen mum. When I gave birth at 16 seeing my first child and as I held her, I made a promise that whatever happened I will never ever leave them, because I know what it’s like to grow up with a broken family. I always feel incomplete but having my own family changed everything, I want to give the best for them and I am happy to make sacrifices in order to make everything work, I don’t want my children to experience the same thing as me. I went through a lot of hardship that a child should never experience, it’s supposed to be the parents responsibility to love and care and support their children, but in our case we just have to find our own way to grow up quickly and survive from that life.
I wish you had met my husband and children and you can see how much I have achieved in life. I managed to grow up quickly and matured. I learned to become independent and a strong person that I am today. I know you have your own family now and children so I just wish you peace and happiness. I won’t be looking for you anymore and that’s because I have finally moved on. You never looked for us, maybe because you are happy with your own life and don’t want a complicated one. Before, I wanted to meet you personally but now I’m just happy, if that day comes in the future or not I’m okey.
Most of all, I want to you to know that I have forgiven you. I know it’s what was best in order for all of us to live happier. Just forgive and move on. There is no point keeping all these sad feelings anymore because we can’t go back. I just choose to live in a positive way and learn from the past. Thank you for leaving us because that makes me strive to keep my own family together. I’m just a human being whose not perfect like you and makes mistakes as well, but I believe in trying to not give up and to give my best. If nothing works then at least I know I have tried.
You are one reasons i am who I am today and I wouldn’t be in this world without you either so thank you. I wish you all the very best and I want to wish you a wonderful Father’s Day. At the end of the day, your still my father and I can’t change that.
Love from your daughter,